My entire life I’ve known that there must be more than this. Living for the next moment, striving to become something “more” than we are only to all end up dying. I’ve always easily connected to people and would feel so extra alive when someone or a group of people and I would talk about deeper things and connect on a level that not everyone achieves. I would see things in others that resonated with the deepest parts of who I was too, I can only describe it as soul. Now, this non-verbal “feeling” vibe way of life became who I was. It became my mission to achieve this state as much as possible, understanding it to be my truth. I saw how much power going to this level had and I wanted everyone I came into contact with to experience it with me. When I was younger it seemed easier to be this way, being one with what was around me and who I was with. But as I grew older things became cemented into more concrete definitions. I had to “set myself apart” “become someone” and my sense of oneness became something I was told I should be ashamed of. “I shouldn’t give so much” “stop being a doormat” “focus on myself” etc. and there was a point in which I agreed with these statements. There was a voice in my head (an angry voice) that kept telling me that my need for connection was useless, I should think about my own energy and stop trying to show the world the other way of life that I had experienced. They wanted to live for themselves anyway so what did it matter? However, a large part of me felt guilty for giving in and letting go of who I thought I was. Now the difference between these states of mind and now is that I’ve realized how true both ways of thinking are. The reason I had always thought that I had to choose one or the other was that deep down I felt that there was a definitive end to who I was, that I was a finite being. At first a girl and a young woman defined by the wonder of something bigger than myself, who didn’t believe that she existed unless she was connecting to something on that deepest level. Next turned into the cynical and spirited woman full of sarcasm and a quick tongue who had a logical answer for everything, ignoring the fact that she had a soul, who still sought to fit into the world that was still spinning madly around her. I had experienced both ways of being and still wasn’t fulfilled. So what was the answer? It wasn’t a way that I had to be or something I could do… But that I actually had to BE. Accept that all of it was me, and all that I am is so much more than these words can describe. There is no limit to who I am because I am intrinsically connected to everything. No more need for definitions.
And since this is who I am…it is also you.
Love,
These “musings” are journal entries I’ve written myself. A mix of poetry, random thoughts, and a lot of navel-gazing straight from my higher self. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and conversations that I have with my deeper self since I ask such personal questions of my design clients in my interior design process.
I hope through reading these you can see a little bit of yourselves too.
Love,
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August 14, 2024
• Musings • — Catherine Rose Design
maximios Design
• This •
My entire life I’ve known that there must be more than this. Living for the next moment, striving to become something “more” than we are only to all end up dying. I’ve always easily connected to people and would feel so extra alive when someone or a group of people and I would talk about deeper things and connect on a level that not everyone achieves. I would see things in others that resonated with the deepest parts of who I was too, I can only describe it as soul. Now, this non-verbal “feeling” vibe way of life became who I was. It became my mission to achieve this state as much as possible, understanding it to be my truth. I saw how much power going to this level had and I wanted everyone I came into contact with to experience it with me. When I was younger it seemed easier to be this way, being one with what was around me and who I was with. But as I grew older things became cemented into more concrete definitions. I had to “set myself apart” “become someone” and my sense of oneness became something I was told I should be ashamed of. “I shouldn’t give so much” “stop being a doormat” “focus on myself” etc. and there was a point in which I agreed with these statements. There was a voice in my head (an angry voice) that kept telling me that my need for connection was useless, I should think about my own energy and stop trying to show the world the other way of life that I had experienced. They wanted to live for themselves anyway so what did it matter? However, a large part of me felt guilty for giving in and letting go of who I thought I was. Now the difference between these states of mind and now is that I’ve realized how true both ways of thinking are. The reason I had always thought that I had to choose one or the other was that deep down I felt that there was a definitive end to who I was, that I was a finite being. At first a girl and a young woman defined by the wonder of something bigger than myself, who didn’t believe that she existed unless she was connecting to something on that deepest level. Next turned into the cynical and spirited woman full of sarcasm and a quick tongue who had a logical answer for everything, ignoring the fact that she had a soul, who still sought to fit into the world that was still spinning madly around her. I had experienced both ways of being and still wasn’t fulfilled. So what was the answer? It wasn’t a way that I had to be or something I could do… But that I actually had to BE. Accept that all of it was me, and all that I am is so much more than these words can describe. There is no limit to who I am because I am intrinsically connected to everything. No more need for definitions.
And since this is who I am…it is also you.
Love,
These “musings” are journal entries I’ve written myself. A mix of poetry, random thoughts, and a lot of navel-gazing straight from my higher self. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and conversations that I have with my deeper self since I ask such personal questions of my design clients in my interior design process.
I hope through reading these you can see a little bit of yourselves too.
Love,
Did you enjoy this advice?
Consider exchaging some energy with me to support future offerings!
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